Have a cup of your favorite beverage and stay awhile or skip over this one because it's going to be a doozey, which means long and complicated!
Most people are happy when they have a lot of sales, but not me! Yesterday we had one to twos sales at each shop and this morning I actually yelled out, "OH NO!" when I saw I had another sale! See that froggy frog face on Freddy? That's me about now- befuddled with a lot of unrecognizable sadness pouring in.
Out of all of those yesterday sales, this is one that wrenched my heart!
If you read my Welcome post, Welcome to HoarderRehab's: The Desinty of Things, one of my goals was to become a "short and sweet" writer. My dream writing style would be as concise as Hemingway, as earthy and short as Steinbeck, but with Pearl S. Buck sentiment or as lyrically honest minimal as Raymond Carver or as loud and disturbingly truthful as turning the ugly into beauty as Bukwoski or as narratively layered as John Fante, but no, I'm more of a stream of consciousness long winded person of words, like a semi- conscious walking in the dark, bumping my head into walls, starving, impatient raving mad rat in a maze style of writing or the hamster that doesn't know when to get off the wheel.
As I learned from yesterday's post, As a Techless Hoarder Etsy Newbie: Story #1: Why and How I Started this Blog, it seems my writing style is more of a beginning with long mazes of thought and hopes for a semi-coherent ending! Even though I can't stand it, I can only accept myself or go nowhere!
Okay, so that was a long warning for you and a procrastination tactic for me. What I need are some "built in automatic coping mechanisms" that don't entail: potato chips, french fries, fried chicken, smoke, endless cups of coffee, sleepless nights, Lillet, Nocello, Jamesons, thrifting til I drop, a week long online buying spree or close to death experiences to bring me back to life!
This is me, as tongue tied as Freddie about what I'm really trying to say!
Hoarder History: Another teacher prop for teaching the frog cycle and all guest appearances, like adult walk throughs, stull days, Back to School Night, etc. Freddie could interview with the best of them! Freddie would get so excited he had a stutter and the only way his stutter would go away was when it was so quiet in the classroom he could hear a pin drop. He even had his own special pin to drop! Freddie was also known to have eyes in back of his head and would notify the teacher of suspicious behaviors! So when Freddie was out-be forewarned, beware, be aware and cautiously on your best behavior! and the best part about Freddie is if you got an answer right he'd be so happy, he'd squeak about it and stick his tongue out with applause! However, Freddie was the only one allowed to stick his tongue out, unless he invited you to do so! I hope Freddie brings some magical moments into your life too!
And it seems he has brought some magical moments into someone else's life already! It seems too soon for me, but not soon enough for someone else! So maybe the mistake of Freddie shipped to early is a blessing in disguise!
Note from Buyer
I was a frog fanatic, and now I actually do shows with pro kermit studio puppets, I'm actually a very authentic sounding kermit voice... Maybe i just miss my dad... thank you.
My email this morning:
Hi!
Thank you for ordering a piece of my Hoarder History! And for the wonderful delightful story that will tide me over til I get over Freddie!
I would have written to thank you sooner, but you have ordered one of the most complicated pieces of my history so far! I've been lamenting over it, since you bought it and it just left to be shipped to you and well, quite frankly I am really sad about it.
All I can say, is I am so happy he will be with you because I know you will have more good memories with him and he will bring back ones of you with your father.
For me, they bring back bittersweet happy, mostly stressful times of being a teacher in the inner city. Times I'd rather forget, but as a hoarder, I will need to work out, so I don't go back to hoarding again!
One of the first things I did, after reading your message a few times and getting teary eyed with it- was to go searching online for the ones you were talking about!
Thank you for your time and story. I can't imagine how hard it would be without it! And if you get a chance a picture of Freddie with you and his new frog family would be the ultimate therapy of "icing on the cake with a cherry on top!"
Thank you for taking part in my HoarderRehab! Now I must go have some quiet time...
What was written back to me!
Thank you very much for getting back.
I assure you Freddy frog has found a friend, and an excellent home with me..
I haven't seen a Frankie or Frieda frog in 30 years.
At the end of the 1970s my parents marriage fell apart. By the early 1980s, my mother and I had moved to Pittsburgh where she and her parents lived.
My dad used to buy me Freddy and Frieda frog, at the market stands in the train stations, and airports in Philadelphia New York & South Jersey every time I would go to visit him.
For at least a couple of years, every time he would call and asked me what I wanted for my birthday or for Christmas I would always tell him I wanted Freddy and Frieda frog.
He would have interesting things waiting for me like Lionel train sets, and telescope kits, puzzles, or glorified building blocks, but go figure all I ever seemed to want, with some kind of a frog toy.
If you care to read a tad about my family, feel free to research popsiephotos.com.
Popsie was my grandfather, he was a famous celebrity photographer in New York City.
You can read my father's book about Popsie, available at Chartwell booksellers out of New York City, $33 new, and also available at Amazon.com for about three dollars.
"Popsie N. Y. C., Legend of Broadway", by Michael Randolph, forward by Quincy Jones, published by Hal Leonard Corporation, should still be in print.
Music and performing arts, run in my blood because it runs in my family.
I grew up as an only child and my mom was a single parent.
I barely ever speak with my father, because he is such an unsentimental, and insensitive person.
My mother is clinically insane and doesn't know it, and 10 years ago she and an old ex-girlfriend of mine pushed me out of their lives and basically got together.
My parents are both 70 this year, and I did wish my father happy birthday just before Halloween, during the beginning of the big hurricane of the East Coast last month, but my heart has been hurting this month because I called him after the hurricane to see if he and his wife are okay, and I still have not heard back from my dad.
I will try to shoot you an email if possible, with a photo or two of me with Freddy frog along with some of my prize to puppets, some studio Kermit the frog puppets made from discontinued Antron fleece, which went out of production in the year 2005.
My best puppet, is one that was made by a former employee/puppet builder who worked for Sesame Street workshop for 10 years.
That's a most incredible fascinating story and it compels me to move on! or should......
Saying Good bye: Horribly impossible!!!!! Like ripping away a security blanket from a baby! This time- Freddie's story, his new friends and family and new home do NOT seem to outweigh my loss of him right now. What loss of mine is tied to him?
Right now, all I can hope for is in the end, I think it will be well worth it and I'll feel lighter, less burdened and more free, but until then I really have no idea what to do!
What I learned:
1. Another pattern is emerging. I think there's been two other times, once when both my college mugs sold with other unrelated items and the others I can't remember right now, so that's a good thing, right?. I can't remember them, but I am feeling the same built up anxiety! So either this is the upside of having a bad memory or stuff is getting swept under the rug again!
I was doing so well with parting with my hoard, until it started happening too quickly! I can deal with one, maybe two things a day, but any more is difficult!
2. I need better and more coping skills and back up to get over some of these memories and feelings coming to the surface now. Or do I? I can only tread water for so long, but if the water is calm I can float on my back and feel the sun and let go.... Maybe it's my choice, to sink or swim or simply lay on my back and float it out.
3. It doesn't seem to take much to trigger huge amounts of anxiety from my hoarded history. Some items more than others have some interesting stuff going on that I don't even know about. Breath and let go, breath and let go, breath and let go. I've read that in all kinds of books, "just breath and let go," but my old coping ways are starting to look alluring! Breath and let go....
4. I think I know why time heals all wounds because it provides distance, and although it may fade the memories, the problem for me is once I get back to them the feelings are just as intense, if not more intense because it's very difficult for me to remember the memories that go with the feelings. So it's best to just to do something with the feelings when they happen and the memories while they are still fresh in my mind. It's that piled up swept under the rug thing I've done so well all these years. Now it seems I'm floating on it, when I'm not!
5. When I'm at a loss as to what to do or there are too many things to do, the best thing for me is to Breath and let go and be thankful. I am thankful that I can let go of Freddie and whatever is tied to him. I am thankful that maybe I don't need to know what ties me to him and just let go. I am thankful he is going to meet his new friends! I am thankful I am a part of that!
Parting Thoughts: I watched many movies when I was sick, I think Nicole Kidman was in the one I'm trying to remember and she loses someone close to her and this tribe or group of people have this ritual party thing they do when you lose someone to murder. They make a dummy and send it out to sea and you can either watch it drift or you can go get it. In the movie, she goes and brings it back.
I thought it was symbolism for revenge, whether you can let it go or keep it, but maybe instead it was about forgiveness or maybe it was about love and letting it go or saving it. Or maybe I'm totally wrong and should go look for that movie!
Found it! It took me a long time to find the clip... it's the Interpreter and Choosing Forgiveness. Click on "Choosing Forgiveness" and it will take you there.
Here is the quote from the movie:
Silvia Broome: Everyone who loses somebody wants revenge on someone, on God if they can't find anyone else. But in Africa, in Matobo, the Ku believe that the only way to end grief is to save a life. If someone is murdered, a year of mourning ends with a ritual that we call the Drowning Man Trial. There's an all-night party beside a river. At dawn, the killer is put in a boat. He's taken out on the water and he's dropped. He's bound so that he can't swim. The family of the dead then has to make a choice. They can let him drown or they can swim out and save him. The Ku believe that if the family lets the killer drown, they'll have justice but spend the rest of their lives in mourning. But if they save him, if they admit that life isn't always just... that very act can take away their sorrow.
"Vengeance is a lazy form of grief." and “The only way to end the grief is to save a life.”
Intermission: Take a long pause... get another cup of your favorite beverage. This is a good place to listen to quote on the clip, Drowning Man Trial, from Interpreter.
Final Question and Thoughts: How does one save an institution that's on it's last breath? I can't, but I can admit that life isn't always just ...and it does take away my sorrow.
Time for me to go sit in silence for a long while.
Thank you Mike for providing a new family, friends and home for Freddie, see Mike here! Thank you WingClips for the piece of insightful inspiration! Thank you etsy for providing me an outlet for myself and my hoard! Thank you mr. oz for all the daily tech lessons and helping me manage our shops, VintageToGoetsy, HoarderRehab and The Destiny of Things!
Thank "YOU" for reading this and taking part in my HoarderRehab!
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