I know one isn't supposed to judge a book by it's cover, but I often buy one just because...
I love the cover. I buy stuff only because I love the packaging. I watch movies just because I love the title. The movie, "The Loss of Nameless Things," was one of those I watched because I fell in love with the title and wanted to know how it pertained to the movie. And if the title could help me as a recovering hoarder.
I watched it last April and started to write a posting about it, but got no where with it, but it's been a year and it has returned to benefit me!
Last Friday, this bracelet was ordered and as a recovering hoarder my high anxiety began!
photo via The Destiny of Things, scroll down and see more views of it here
Then just a few hours after, this bracelet was ordered and I started to have a panic attack!
photo via VintageToGoEasy, see more views of it here
Then someone inquired about Caco baby twin set and wanted to know how much shipping will be to NY and the thought of that leaving too was like the cherry on top of an avalanche!
I almost had another melt down! I kept reminding myself that dehoarding practice is supposed to make things easier and to rely on the my alternatives for stress relief, like breathing, mending and art, but unfortunately, my weekend started off not well and Saturday I felt paralyzed by Sunday I was feeling a little better and just felt crippled.
At least this order came with a story!
photo via Hoarder Rehab, see more here
By Monday, as a recovering hoarder, I started to accept I was never going to figure out my stories behind these two crippling items, when my rational was this and that and decided to chalk it up as "the loss of nameless things."
As soon as I accepted that fact, lo and behold, the light and mystery began to dissolve and I found my answers. My loss of nameless things were two friends who left me. One in college and one about 5 years ago.
Now my rational thinking got me no where and just rolled around in my head like the noisiest rock tumbler ever! I kept telling myself I can't wear either one of those bracelets, so there is no reason to feel the panic of losing something so dear. That didn't help me on bit.
And when I really really dug deeper and thought about them, they weren't dear to me, not because I couldn't wear them, but because the Taxco one was bought as a gift for my college friend, who in the end gave it back to me because she only collected Taxco warrior face bracelets and didn't want it.
And in the end, out of the blue said she was never going to see me again and when I asked why, she said because I was 45 minutes late and missed most of the poetry reading, plus the King Cobras came warm. (We met at a monthly poetry reading and she asked me to pick up one of her friends who she thought was on my way, but it really wasn't and I ended up sitting in traffic)
I thought she was just kidding and mad in the moment, but nope, I never heard or saw from here ever again.
photo via VintageToGoEasy, see more views of it here
The ww2 bracelet was from an enabling hoarder friend. We shared a friendsthip for over 25 years and spent most of our time together thrifting our little hearts out, until one day his gf found out I was allowed in his house and she forebade him to ever see me again. And even though I send him a Christmas card every year, I haven't heard from him for the past 8 years. So her ultimatum worked.
I guess I was the only one allowed in his house because it was so hoarded up he didn't let anyone in, but I didn't think I was the only when he let in. One day I was so tired of having to drive down the hill to go find a bathroom that I begged him to let me in because I wasn't going to make it to a public restroom!
I did have to walk on about 2-3 feet of grocery bags to get to the bathroom and felt awkward, but not really since I had to go so badly. And then walk on them on the way back, it was unavoidable. I tried picking up some of the bags that crunched, so I wouldn't step on them again on the way back thinking I was breaking stuff. The only place I could stand without stepping on something was the kitchen.
I'd check out the loot in the bags I had stepped on or tried to avoid and usually he let me keep some of the stuff. I remember once I got silly putty for my students. They prized that stuff, once I showed them it could lift off words from any book!
He was a dear friend. He would feed my dog and save my mail when I went on vacation. He would fix my flat tire at his lunch break while I was at work teaching, even in the rain. I would listen to his should have, would have, could have stories and boxes of kleenex over his relationship woes and he'd listen to mine.
We would go thrift shopping to countless thrift stores in Los Angeles and Orange County until I dropped and was basically just following him around in a daze, like a kid waiting to go home from shopping in a mall with a parent. We had our own little thrifting rules and inside jokes, so we wouldn't fight over the good stuff. I kept my stuff in the trunk and he kept his stuff in the back seat! And at the end of a long day thrifting, we ate our favorite cheapo restuarants no one else we knew liked to eat at!
I never really got to say goodbye to him and to wish him the best with his girl friend. And I think one of the saddest parts for me is losing someone that I had so much history with...over 25 years of friendship gone in a flash..... swallowed up in a black hole, deleted in one full swoop....
photo via VintageToGoEasy, see more views of it here
Saying Goodbye: When I watched the movie, "The Loss of Nameless Things" about Oakley Hall III, a movie by Bill Rose, by the end of it I tried to make a connection with my hoarding, but couldn't really make one that made sense or I could express understandably.
Here's what I wrote about it almost exactly a year ago:
As a recovering hoarder, just the title meant a lot to me because secretly or unknowingly I have nameless lost memories, hopes, dreams, and worries stuck in things. It seems I have to "take the time" to examine and item and see what is buried in it. It's usually a memory.
After writing over 80 "Destiny of Things" stories, I've noticed that I am not the only one. Others who have stopped to examine something they've bought have shared their memories, lost dreams, or worries as well, so it's good to know I'm not the only one.
I tried to rewatch the movie again this weekend, but it's not on netflix anymore, so if my memory serves me right, "the loss of nameless things" pertains to a part in the movie when either Lewis or Clark is talking to Sacagawea about something and she says, "We call it, the loss of nameless things." How Sacajawea, Lewis and Clarke pertains to the movie, I can't remember.
Hoarder Inspiration:
1. I never know which items listed are going to cause me pain until they leave, but I am starting to better understand the mysteries behind the pain. So my dehoarding is unlocking some memories that lead me to better understanding myself and my past.
2. Another interesting aspect is that these two items brought me what I needed without an Etsy buyer sending me their story! I wonder what that means? Is my mind uncluttering enough now? All I know is that I'm headed in the right directions while more and more layers of the onion get peeled off towards the core.
I wonder what's in the middle? Personally I never thought I'd reach the center, so I was a little scared, but not really because I thought I'd never find out, but now that I see there's a good chance I might make it to the center, I'm more excited than scared... or at least I am today.
3. Awhile ago, I found about "Immersion" therapy and have been trying out little bits and pieces of it on myself, like looking at the bracelets in the "sold" area until it's just another item in there. It used to be so scary and I'd just avoid it, but I'm finding the fear and pain is becoming less and less.
Looking into the face of fear, isn't so bad and I think in six months I won't feel the pain and scariness of losing my friends the way I did. I wonder how long I've been carrying that burden of sadness without knowing it but having it anyway.
Hoarder Desperation: At least for today, I think I've managed to turn my desperation into inspiration!
No question of the day.... I'm drained and wiped out now.
Thank you Etsy buyers for helping me dehoard over 655 and counting items! and helping me search out the mysteries to why I keep everything for some day when I think I'll need it or just keep things to keep things.
Thank you Etsy for being here as an outlet to release my hoard in the most pleasant, manageable and easiest way to dehoard without accumulating back ten fold!
Thank you US, Malta, Germany, China and others for supporting my HoarderRehab and The Destiny of Things!
Click on the shop names to visit my hoard listed daily: HoarderRehab with 162 items , The Destiny of Things-1671 items , VintageToGoEasy - 147 items and now JunkDrawerLove - 122 items! My NEW GOAL is to have 175 items listed on each shop, so I'll be listing at least 1 new item daily on each shop five days a week! Thanks for looking! Maybe you'll find something to take home and share your story too!
Related Stories:
1. All 17 of my other Hoarder Inspiration or Desperation Stories, here
Most Read Story of the Week: Beginner Jazz Piano Books: The Destiny of Things, Story 189
All Time Most Read Story of Month and All Time: My Louis Vuitton Collection the end of mine for the beginning of someone else. The last piece of my LV collection, my 80s LV gold cornered wallet is available here at The Destiny of Things!
"Therapy only works when we have a genuine desire to know ourselves as we are, not as we would like to be." ---Dr. Lector conversing with Jack Crawford.
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